So, I’ve been trying to freelance.
Contemplated getting an LLC setup, finding a CPA, and so forth the past few weeks. Working for myself hasn’t been too successful, more “prospects” than real meat that’s ready to be cooked and served up. I have a couple clients near moving (one really cool client thanks to my friend Chris King!). I decided to try freelance because the studio I really want to work for can’t hire me for now. Unfortunately, my finances are getting super tight way too fast. As freelance doesn’t look like it will get me close enough to having insurance or savings any time soon, I’ve started re-thinking my options. I’m thankful for my parents and Graham & Natalie who have been kind enough to allow me places to live for free while I try and piece together life again out in Dallas.

In-house opportunities and an excellent Wednesday
Today I received an email from guy at a major hospital in Dallas, asking if I was interested in a web designer position. They found my resumé and contacted me! Encouraging. :) At first I though, “nahhhh, in-house design in a non-creative environment hasn’t been my aim for work”. But as I thought about it, I remembered, “hey…I’m POOR!” Trying something new might be worth a look. It’d probably be stable, a consistent workflow, slower, well paying, nice insurance. I also love the idea of agile design, a topic I read about on DesignNotes. This concept is hard to pull at a studio. Businesses want/need a final product served up. But “agile design” is how I started out, constantly working and reworking my church’s website which I handed-coded out of Window’s notepad when I was 16, gradually correcting the interface and site architecture as feedback was received and needs arose. Adaptation fixing problems—I love this and do it all the time in regular every day things (read: I’m OCD about rearranging my life + possessions). So, I mulled it over, talked to friends for advice and emailed back in the evening seeking further information.

About an hour after sending an email back, I get a call from my friend Jared who hadn’t heard about this. He had info about a potential art direction position at a photography album company in Dallas. Again, not something I would have thought to pursue before, but the hospital’s email (plus the past months’ frustration of no work) shook up my vision of what could work. The idea of working on a single brand and helping craft that over time is more intriguing than I’d really been thinking. Sounds like it’d be researching competitors, developing for them, branding, ads and promotional materials for the company. I’m hoping this one is a good fit. Jared said he’d send them my info. We’ll see where things lead me. If not these places, I think I’m realizing freelance might not be where I want to be and to start hunting out other options.

Engagement pics
I went to Memphis for several days over the Martin Luther King day weekend. While in town, I got to take my old roommate Jeff and his fiance Christina out for an engagement shoot. Honestly, I still get nervous about shoots for which I haven’t had time to layout every single detail. Probably good for me to learn to take limitations of an environment and make something great out of it. We were really short on daylight due to schedules, but I am pleased about some of the photos we were able to pull out from our time. Hoping to finish these by this weekend.

Yale House lease
I got word today that my lease in Memphis is now out of my hands. No more payments!! Such a relief to have that monthly bill taken care of. I met the potential sublease roommate while I was in Memphis cleaning out the rest of my junk from my room.

Randoms.
• I have new glasses (and contacts) and you probably wouldn’t realize it had I not said anything. I notice though because the lenses are crystal clear!
• I noticed my beard is getting nice and full. I likes it.
• I am still living in my parent’s guest room with most all my possessions in storage—I cannot wait to live with Graham and Natalie + have a room of my own crafted again with posters and books surrounding me!
• I danced a final Memphis crazyjustindance in the dark over Christmas break.
• I’ve been part of a Project 365, taking 1-photo-a-day (almost to 30 pics). This is sadly the most consistent thing in my life.

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tags: Dallas, design, Memphis, photography, plans, work

Some folks from New St. Peter’s got together this Sunday afternoon for the 3rd year (this was my first time to join) to eat together, as well as to share scripture: one verse that stood out or described last year, and one to be a cornerstone upon which this new year might be built. These are sort of three things I am desperately drawn to: The Word, people’s stories, and people’s open & honest struggles.

Scripture is funny to me because at times there is an almost literal experience of nourishment and taste, as if I’d taken a bite. On occasions, I hear a passage where Jesus is speaking to his disciples, where Paul is writing to churches, and it hits the spot—far too often due to spiritual malnourishment, lack of peace, lack of rest in my relationship with The Lord. It says something though of the Living Word, the Bread of Life and that faith is not a static, empty list of rules, but faith is a dynamic, potent, abundant relationship. I must remember this at times in my life (lately, for example) where I neglect God.

The other two things I’ll put together. I’m a listener and observer more than a talker at times. I enjoy peering into the varieties of life, seeing so many perspectives, hearing what people experience, watching how they react, and at times such as this, even finding out what has been going on underneath the surface—why they reacted as they did and where they intend to go next.

Many people shared the past year as having been difficult, a year lost, a year we might rather forget as having happened. The reasons varied, but at the core of each story, one could begin to see that they’re not the only one out there who is clueless, frustrated, empty, and alone. Oddly enough, I find that hopeful…that struggle is common. We’re less different than I typically believe, and this barrier being torn down is a help from any of us in getting so absorbed in our own hurt, where we only look inward instead of considering that others too suffer (and perhaps even worse?). Instead, we could use such hard things to bridge a gap in relationships to connect with one another, even to Christ who suffered (and intentionally suffered on our behalf!). We can use even these hard moments as a time we can cry out to God for refuge from the dark, comfort from the uncertainties, and peace despite the turbulence.

Hearing about people’s heartaches and hardships tell me something about a community: it’s actually alive. If you lean into these conversations, you hear its breathes and can feel the walls of its lungs sinking and rising again. It’s real. And it’s trustworthy; not that everything you hear is complete truth and reliable—as we’re fallible, tainted by sin, and short-sighted, each and every one—but it is at least willing to admit its faults in humility. And that’s a hill upon which we can begin to build community, which with a bit of grace can thrive with richness and power.

Two thousand ten begins with something I’ve hungered for these past few months while I’ve not had much stillness or belonging. Community isn’t something I am good at doing, particularly not leading or creating—but as I’ve had various conversations with friends about intimacy, hearing that it is lacking at times for them too, I’ve needed to find it. In a way, it tells me there’s a place for me here in Dallas (not discounting the importance of my family and friends who are here, but looking to where I’ll fit in the scheme of things, and if there is even enough of a scheme to fit); I’ve needed to see that I can stay and get planted. So, today was especially encouraging to me at a very fitting moment. I’m thankful for a glimpse, for hope that there is more depth and growth in community to come.

I hope you are blessed this year in all that you see, do, and live out.

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tags: Bible, community, Dallas, gospel, hardship, home, learning, life

I spent a week in California, but I don’t think I explained why I went. I mentioned the potential of going overseas—this would have been with a missions organization, and part of my decision process involved going to check it out, taking part in their training conference while I was there.

Throughout the week, I was confronted with a lot of ideas with which I found myself forced to wrestle. It was difficult in a variety of ways, but healthy and helpful in counting the costs of leaving the country for 2 years, being away from my family even longer than I already had been (without any monthly 7-hour drives home for visiting over the weekend), and having to let go of everything I’d established myself in, once again, to go learn an entirely new culture, language, and community—from scratch. Both exciting and daunting. Neither of which were reasons I felt could easily lead me in going or not going.

In the end, I realized that there is a list of stuff (spiritually, personally, creatively, etc) I want and need to work on first, and going overseas would have tacked on a whole other list of weighty and time-intensive items, like studying a different culture and learning a complex language, that I would need to prioritize over everything else. I’m interested in tent-making as a means to travel, if I should do so, and at the moment, a vocation in missions work doesn’t seem to be what’s on my heart.

So after a bunch of thinking and traveling to make all these decisions, I concluded that I would move back to Dallas and stay put for awhile. I’m kind of tired of planes now and have a strange disinterest in traveling after over doing it. It’s kind of odd to think that I’ve not really lived in Dallas as an adult yet. I was in Denton for years but as a student, then I moved out of state the summer after graduation.

It feels like this is as good a place as any to have the reset button hit, to find a good pace for myself and figure out where I belong. It helps knowing where things are, knowing people, having an idea of what’s out there. Of course, reality is more taxing. I’m in Dallas now, but life seems in limbo. I’m still trying to fill my lease in Memphis and a bit nervous about the possibility of having to pay through the end of it, while my savings are dwindling. I am still jobless, during a tricky time of the year to get in touch with people. Freelance hasn’t been working out, nor do I want it to in the long run. Not working since late October is making me go crazy. I’ve been living with my parents, while Graham and Natalie paint and re-carpet some rooms, so most of my stuff is packed away in the garage. It will be nice in the end, but I’m definitely ready to get settled in.

Anyway, if you’re in Dallas, hit me up! I’m excited to start getting connected again. And Merry Christmas. :)

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tags: Dallas, mission, travel, work